S T O R I E S
That Woman's Work
by Julie Carter
by Julie Carter
In the heart and mind of a cowboy, there is a long list of things that fall under the category of "woman's work" and even if they have to be sneaky about it, they are determined to make it her job, forever.
One of the most common frailties he will portray, almost diabolically, is his inability to shop for anything that doesn't involve horses, cattle, roping or tools for his shop.
A well-traveled worldly kind of cowboy I know has navigated remote ranches, big cities that even include San Antonio, South America, Europe, Canada and Japan. He cannot possibly find the toothpaste hidden in Wal-Mart.
This results in a pitiful situation where his bride does all the shopping even if he has just made a trip to town himself.
To further this travesty, he promotes his innocent lack of understanding about shopping by offering to help unload the groceries if she'll just wait an hour while he finishes his urgent task of, oh say, riding his horse.
Meanwhile, with milk, frozen food and perishables standing by, his bride knows he'll be right along as soon as it is all safely put away.
The same principal of innocence is offered if the cowboy has his eye set on a new horse that he is sure he needs to buy for his string.
Justification comes via generosity.
He will gift his bride with one of his current horses under the auspices of her needing an upgrade. He is more than willing to part with one of his prize steeds to help her out. That leaves him one horse short, and almost magically, a replacement will appear.
Sometimes this plotted horse trade will take months because his bride is not as thrilled with the idea as he seems to be. Often it means trading off her old dependable, trustworthy horse to some needy relative who simply cannot do without him. Again, this idea is his.
The trade often involves old women or children to add to the tender nature of the generosity. Tactfully, he will make his bride feel obligated to part with the security of her old horse for the betterment of mankind.
Cowboys and computers find a love-hate relationship where he cannot possibly pull up the bank statement for reconciliation but for a couple years has been able to navigate ropinghorses.com with a knowledgeable dexterity.
The same guy that can mix complicated chemical formulas to spray brush and crops, and even fly the plane to put it on the land, will deny any ability to run a lawnmower, grocery cart, and certainly not the washing machine, dishwasher or microwave.
In the interest of full disclosure, the cowboy hero does offer some redeeming qualities. In the kitchen, he is completely willing to be in complete charge of Quality Control. Usually that entails sampling everything once, sometimes twice, most often in the case of pies.
Other valuable lessons for the cowboy's bride provided by the cowboy include:
• No matter how many exotic gourmet dishes you can make, cowboys prefer chicken fried steak, gravy, potatoes and beans to all the cuisines in the world.
• The best dessert in anybody's book is chocolate cake with gooey icing.
• You can always trust that the market will come up $20 to hit the break-even on any new set of cattle he wants to buy, trust him on that, he says.
• Always get on a fresh horse with his head in the corner so that he can't buck too hard.
• Never say to the wannabe, who might buy that unbroken colt, that his hat is on backwards.
• Always pick your spot with your back to the wind when holding herd.
• The ongoing list of requirements for the proper care and feeding of your personal cowboy.
• Recently, this worldly braniac cowboy claimed to not to know how to put mouse D-con in the barn. Some things just are not worth the fight.
Visit Julie's Web site and updated blog at www.julie-carter.com. Her book, Cowgirl Sass & Savvy, continues to bring laughs and smiles to readers everywhere.