S T O R I E S

Handy household hints from Susan Metcalf's column
Reprinted with permission of Agri-News, a weekly agricultural paper based in Billings, Montana and serving
23,000 subscribers nationwide. Tami Jo Arvik Blake Agri-News editor
 
Yahoo! Linda Grosskopf informed me that we have surpassed our Moline cookbook goal! So far we have taken 388 orders for 1,088 books (which is 108.8% of our 1,000-book goal), and we have collected $21,978. I am grateful to everyone who has contributed recipes and/or money or ordered cookbooks, and to the girls who did the leg work, Tami Jo, Linda, Leesa, and Nancy! We still have three weeks left before the August 1, 2008 deadline to order the cookbooks arrives! I cannot wait to see where we end up when the procrastinators like myself finally get our orders turned in!
When we were collecting recipes for the cookbook, we put out a little call for helpful hints for kids in the kitchen, and we received a few contributions. So, the other day when I opened my email, I found what I assumed was a late contribution from my friend and neighbor just over the hill, Peggy Mothershead. Turns out, Peggy's contribution was a bit tongue-in-cheek, but these 15 hints are so great that I must share them!

Amazingly Simple Household Hints
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop them.
3. A simple remedy for high blood pressure is to cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes. This reduces the pressure on your veins, but you might want to invest in a small egg timer to insure that you don't allow yourself to bleed out.
4. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you are suffering from a bad cough, take a double dose of over-the-counter laxatives. You will be too afraid to cough!
6. If a problem cannot be fixed with a hammer, it falls into the category of an electrical problem.
7. The only two tools you need to fix anything are duct tape and WD-40. If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use duct tape!
8. Need an umbrella? Go to an upscale restaurant the day after a rainstorm and tell them you think you forgot your black umbrella there yesterday.
9. For economical - okay, cheap - Halloween treats, save up all the ketchup, mustard, picante sauce, syrup, and other condiment packages you can scavenge from fast food joints over the course of the year. Keep your porch lit only dimly by a jack-o-lantern, and drop two or three packets into each child's bag.
10. If you should ever find that you have drunk too much to drive home, walk to the nearest pizza parlor, use your cell phone to request a pizza delivery to your address, and then when the pizza is done, hitch a ride with the delivery driver to your home.
11. Remember the first name in luggage that is both matching and economical is Hefty.
12. Instead of going to the bother of cleaning your house, go to the dollar store and purchase a bunch of get well cards. Scatter them all over your house, so visitors will deduce you have obviously been too ill to clean the house.
13. Make your own party mints by squirting toothpaste rosettes onto a plate and freezing them. They can be tinted with food coloring if desired.
14. If your clothes are wrinkly and dirty, donate them to the local Goodwill. In a couple days, you can go down and buy them back cleaned and pressed.
15. To avoid cleaning paintbrushes indefinitely, wrap them in plastic and throw them in the freezer.