S T O R I E S
By Julie Carter - Cowgirl Sass & Savvy
The kids are dressed up as nice as they can be to show a pig, usually in at least a brightly-colored shirt and well-groomed hair. Stick a brush in their back pocket and they are good to go.
The show ring is surrounded by bleachers packed full of friends and family that came to cheer for their favorite kid and pig. It is a true family event with grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings standing by.
Mom and/or Dad won't be seen around anywhere for long. They give a quick glance as a class comes to a close, then off they scoot to the pig barn for another round on the wash rack with the next waiting swine. They are identifiable by their rubber boots and very wet clothes.
Beside what goes on in the ring, one of the more entertaining parts of the show is the dialogue given by a seasoned swine show judge.
He will take his job quite seriously, scrutinize each animal and then give his reasons for selecting one over another in placing them. He will speak directly, not unkindly, but with definite direction and an explanation.
He either really likes the hog and will tell you why or he doesn't, and with colorful phrasing, explains why.
Here are a few that leave you laughing, especially if you dare liken it to describing anyone you know:
· He's wide coming to you and wide leaving.
· I'd really like to take this pig apart.
· Obviously not breeding stock.
· Doesn't go away with any power.
· Not much strength when he comes at you.
· Would be a better pig if he'd been fed more.
· Had to walk this pig a long way before I liked him.
· Gets up on his toes .... a little heavy on the back end.
· He's got good assets but they all work independently against him.
· Has one good side but this isn't it.
· Need to shrink this pig a little in the loin.
· I'd like to loosen him up in the front end.
· When you look at this pig, you gotta think hog.
· Doesn't go away from you with the authority I'd like.
· This pig jerks as he walks off. I'd sure like to flatten his ribs.
· I'd like to build this hog up and drop him where he's at.
· Functional hog. Think hog. Very competitive hog.
· Big ole, healthy rear end. Fits the profile.
· Both of these pigs are nice but both have the same problem, which is they don't get off the rear end.
· The longer I look at him, the less I like him.
· All these pigs have something to offer but, some more than others. This one isn't one of them.
Some or all of these phrases might come in handy at the next board meeting or family reunion. Some phrases just seem to get the point across better than others.
You can tell them you heard it at the county fair.