If you are wondering how our water system
became bankrupt read this.
Author Unknown
Water Court: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Water Court: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the water?
Water Court: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same water.
Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 water.
Water Court: When do you intend to use the water?
Customer: I want to water tomorrow. It's my day off.
Water Court: Sir, the water for tomorrow is the $200 water.
Customer: When would I have to water to get the $12 water?
Water Court: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start watering before Friday of that week and continue watering until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Water Court: I'll check and see if we have any water available.
Customer: You have reservoirs FULL of water! I can see them!
Water Court: But it doesn't mean that we have water available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 water.
Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
Water Court: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually started watering yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your water as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.
Water Court: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy water and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the water you already have.
Customer: WHAT?
Water Court: We have to let go of your water to send to the "Whooping Crane Bed and Breakfast" in Nebraska, but if you stop watering before you do your field, you will lose your remaining gallons of water.
Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the water? I already paid you for it!
Water Court: We make plans based upon the idea that all our water is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy!! Suppose something terrible happens if I can't water until after Saturday night!
Water Court: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 water.
Customer: But what about the water shares I own?
Water Court: Well that's for us. We actually own it, and it only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half an acre. The second half-gallon to complete the acre is $20. None of the gallons have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty gallons.
Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy my water somewhere else!
Water Court: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy water for 20 acres from someone else, but you won't be able to get enough to water your entire crop from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you water in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon. And we will measure your evaporation too!
Customer: I thought your most expensive water was $200! How the hell do you measure evaporation?
Water Court: Only if you water around the acre to the point at which you started. A whole field is different. We measure evaporation with a breathilizer and a piece of nylon.
Customer: And if I buy $200 water but only water in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining water?
Water Court: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on our next gallon of water. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.
Customer: You're insane! Where are the water engineers? I need to talk to the water engineers! This is a mess! My crops are dying because of your craziness.
Water Court: Sorry you feel that way sir. Take a number. We'll form a task force, study your problem, and maybe when government is back in session next year, we can get back to you. Oh, and what are water engineers?
Good Neighbor Committee
P.O. Box 155 - La Salle, CO 80645
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